Job ads are entertaining. Where else will you find companies doing their utmost to be hip, while simultaneously assaulting us with cringe-worthy jargon?
I analysed job postings to find popular words used as job lingo and I’ve matched these words with their actual meanings. If you're currently in the employment marketplace you can use the list below to help understand what you might be getting into. I enjoy interpreting the copywriting that job posters use to make us feel like having this job is what we should aspire to in life.
Note: These following phrases are from actual job descriptions. The summaries are my own interpretations.
- Excellent communication skills – You can talk to someone without scratching your nether regions at the same time
- A sense of humour! – You’ll be putting up with some unbelievable crap so we hope you don’t have a breakdown
- Fresh fruit, snacks and drinks – Your home life is so over-rated. Stay!
- Learn new things every day! – We expect you to deal with random tasks unrelated to your position
- Rockstar – You want to work here and just proves you’re not a Rockstar but soon you will feel like you’ve been up all night taking cocaine and drinking alcohol
- Ability to think on your feet – You’ll have no time to prepare for the onslaught of problems
- Uncontrollable urge to investigate and solve problems – You have ADHD
- Self-starter – Apart from being a word that most experts say you shouldn’t put on a resumé, self-starter in a job description means the company has no idea what it's doing but management hopea you can figure it out before they go under. Thanks
- Passionate – You have nothing else in your life apart from this job
- Cutting edge – New frameworks and technologies will be forced upon you haphazardly and you’ll be expected to figure out which ones will crash our systems before it actually happens.